I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
