I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Randomize
