You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
