Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
