I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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