dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
