You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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