I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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