Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
