There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
