If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
