so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
