I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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