My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
