I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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