these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
