remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
