last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
