I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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