I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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