Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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