I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
