i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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