not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
