I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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