oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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