Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish I only lived at night.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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