she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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