I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
