Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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