Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
