Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
