Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
