Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
