You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
