he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You're like the curious george of whores
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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