battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
