GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
