Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
