But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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