His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
