bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
