Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
