Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
