What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
