In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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