I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
