These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
