hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
