There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
